By Noble Marara

He was reliable, responsible and always cared for others, but was harassed to the point he decided to commit suicide. For some reason he always listened to everyone, younger or older soldiers.   As a sergeant he was in a position to lead young soldiers and work alongside those who were senior to him, men and women, junior and senior officers.  He joined the army in the early eighties and as a professional driver he was given an opportunity to become a chauffeur to one of the most important high ranking officials at the time, our hero, Major General Fred Rwigema.  During those days many Rwandese refugees in Uganda had joined the army and were still serving in the National Resistance Army (NRA), now the Uganda People’s Defence Forces UPDF), led by now President Yoweri Museveni who waged a five year guerrilla war to the then government of President Apollo Milton Obote, that revolution war ending in 1986.

Major General Fred Rwigema kept him as his chauffeur.  He chauffeured Afande Fred in different regions of the country, with high hopes and ambitions for the future. This driver believed that working alongside Maj Gen Fred Rwigema was a gift from God, just because he was in a position to offer his contribution for Rwanda in a way of being part of the transport for the top man. He believed that the time was right and it was a necessity to return the refugees back home to Rwanda in peace or force. Unfortunately after Maj Gen Fred Rwigema’s death, Sgt Alex Blackman became very depressed, even though he was among the few soldiers transferred from Maj Gen Fred Rwigema’s bodyguard group to the high command to be part of the then Major Kagame’s guards who had just taken over. Sgt Blackman failed to accept the death of his boss, Maj Gen Fred Rwigema.   The first time I met Sgt Blackman, he was very excited to meet me.  It was like we knew each other in another life, we would speak to each other and actually as a young soldier he supported me through my role.  After the capture of Kigali and installing the new government in 1994, Sgt Blackman was deployed to drive the then President Pasteur Bizimungu.

Sgt Blackman was released from Kagame’s group because for some reason he never liked to work alongside Kagame.  I had always asked the reason why he never liked to but he always declined to explain the reason.  However it was not only him a lot of young men would always wish to be deployed somewhere else.   During that time the job was a bit harder than it appears now (2013) because we were very few in numbers with a lot of responsibilities, as opposed to now when they are very many in numbers with a good wage.  Sgt Blackman was later returned to work with me alongside other drivers for Kagame around 1999.  On his arrival, this time he appeared happy and willing to participate in most activities.

All of the commanders in our unit, from senior officers to junior officers, had found Sgt Blackman in the army when they joined.  This was a man who had served in the army for nearly twenty years but still a sergeant even though he had held many important responsibilities and missions.  When Sgt Blackman came back to work with me, I had been made the head of transport and responsible for Kagame’s transport as well as that of the soldiers responsible for Kagame’s protection.  That meant that I was the one to tell Sgt Blackman what to do, a tough task for me because I had always respected Sgt Blackman who was like a mentor to me. He had told me stories and had tried to make me revisit the daily activities and life of his former boss and my hero, Maj Gen Fred Rwigema, through conversations.  He had explained to me the care, kindness and love exhibited by Afande Fred Rwigema including how he (Afande Fred) had dedicated his life to others.   Blackman had become my role model and now it was time for me to tell him what to do.  I remember how Sgt Blackman used to buy me sweets when we first captured Kigali, I was eighteen years old and Sgt Blackman was in his late thirties but he still treated me like a young child.  One day I asked him to join me in Obekka for lunch, this was a restaurant where we used to go and eat lunch but not all the time, this would be as a treat because we all hated the army food for some reason.

While we were eating I told him that I was very sorry to see that I am now in a position to lead him, when actually he should be among the more senior officers of army at top.  I said to him that I was very disappointed to see that all the commanders who knew him had died and those who were serving are instead avoiding him and making young soldiers like me lead and instruct Sgt Blackman how to do the job that he had once actually taught us all.  Sgt Blackman smiled and responded, first with a deep breath that was followed by him asking me if I knew the death of our former commanders?  In my ‘innocent’ ignorance I said that of course they died fighting the enemy.  Sgt Blackman smiled again and told me to do the job as I am told by my commanders and leave him alone.  He told me that since afande Fred Rwigema died he never expected more than what was happening.  He then told me to eat food and stop discussing what was going on with our job.  Sgt Blackman told me that at some point I will realise that our army and expectations all died the day we lost those commanders, and he described our command structure as shambles.  Sgt Blackman narrated again the failures of our army and concluded by saying that all he wishes is to bring up his children in peace but then summarised by saying that it was a challenge as he was not even allowed enough time to spend with his young children.

At that moment I thought the best way to help Sgt Blackman was create the opportunities of how he could spend as much time as possible with his children as his wish. So I always asked him to drive the car escorting Kagame’s children because after 17:00 hours he would be free to go home as Kagame’s children would not require travelling during night hours.  Whenever that happened they usually travelled with parents of which meant that Sgt Blackman would not be required anyway.  Instead the principle motorcade would be enough for the whole family.  Sgt Blackman was pleased with arrangement.  Unfortunately after a couple days, I was called by, now, Lt Col Willy Rwagasana, who was Kagame’s close body guard, who asked me why I was allowing Sgt Blackman to spend the night out of the Barracks.  I told him that he was not required during night hours but instead day time when Kagame’s children require a driver and guards.  Willy told me that I was not capable of leading soldiers because, no one should spend the night out of barracks.  I raised the issue of Sgt Blackman’s family responsibilities but Willy was not taking any of my explanations on board and instead warned me that I was risking myself and that I was likely to end up in jail.

I explained all the above to Sgt Blackman who responded by telling me that all those commanders were silly young boys who did not know anything.  He told me that he was going to his home to stay with his family and was not coming back to work, adding that he had served his time in the army and had requested to retire but none of them accepted his requests.  He referred to an example of how all his promotions to the rank of 2 lieutenant had been blocked by the then Col James Kabarebe several times, because like many commanders had hated him due to the earlier close relationship he had with Maj Gen Fred Rwigema.

 

After a few days I was called by Willy Rwagasana who ordered that we should go and bring Sgt Blackman to the cell.   He instructed me to go with Lt Ruzibiza Kabasha, a short man with very poor judgement, together with a group of six soldiers.  I can recall us heading to Sgt Blackman’s house near Kanombe Military Hospital.  Prior to our arrival, I told Lt Ruzibiza Kabasha that I thought Sgt Blackman was unwell physically and psychologically and needed enough rest and support together with treatment.  Lt Ruzibiza Kabasha told me to “shut up”.   I explained to him that if we were to arrest him in front of his wife for just spending the night at his home it would look disrespectful and so because I was a good friend to Sgt Blackman I requested to be given time to speak to him in the hope that he may come out peacefully.  This was accepted and I made my way to the house and left the other soldiers together with Lt Ruzibiza Kabasha in the compound.  I knocked on the door and Sgt Blackman’s wife opened the door.  After recognising me she alerted Sgt Blackman, who was lying in bed at the time.  She ushered me in the bedroom.  We shook hands and I asked him how he was feeling, something he did not respond to despite the fact that I was sat next to him on the bed.  He was lying next to his three year old daughter.  I told that the top men were all after him and accusing him of dissertation, suggesting to him that to avoid detention or imprisonment he needed to come with me so we can explain and convince the officers to allow him an official leave.  Sgt Blackman responded with very limited words but very worrying saying, “Mararahhhh, go and tell them that I am not coming and whoever thinks that can take me out of this house should come and get me.  I know you and you know me ok.  Go leave in peace I can never harm you and I know you cannot, so tell them to come and get me”.  At this moment the wife cried and shouted by saying, “you do not even listen to your friend’s ideas, you will end up in jail”.  Sgt Blackman told his wife to ‘shut up’ and asked me to leave. While I was heading out of the door, Sgt Blackman called me back and hugged me.  We then shook hands to say good bye, but he told me not to come back to his house.

In me I could feel that something may happen and so I started thinking of restraining the situation, when I spoke to Lt Ruzibiza Kabasha he suggested that he wanted to speak to him first.  I narrated on how Sgt Blackman said that he wanted someone else to fetch him not me. Lt Ruzibiza insisted that he was going to speak to Sgt Blackman.  I walked with Lt Kabasha inside the house hoping that if something bad was about to happen, I may diffuse the situation, due to the degree of trust I had with Sgt Blackman. When Lt Kabasha called Sgt Blackman’s name I had a loud bang and it was a bullet through the door which hit Lt Kabasha on the fore head.  He fell on the floor and I realised that the small pieces of Lt Kabasha’s cranium had flicked in my face.  He was bleeding heavily and immediately I called the rest of the soldiers outside to help me transport the casualty to Hospital. After I called for help I heard other rapid bullets in the bedroom.  Sgt Blackman had just pulled the trigger in his throat and he died in front of his house as was being transported to Hospital.

Lt Kabasha was admitted to Kanombe Millitary Hospital, where he was treated but never recovered fully, he leaves with a permanent brain damage.  Today as I reflect on what happened, I realise that it has now been thirteen years since he departed from us because of neglect and bad leadership.  HE died a death caused by the same comrades who should have protected and supported him when he was desperately in need.  May his soul and many of our fallen heroes rest in peace

Edited by Jenniffer Fierberg

 According Jayden Mathews, ehow contributor

Disappointment is a result of having expectations that are not met. Expectations may be too high, irrational or unrealistic. Because it is a common experience, disappointment can be handled effectively. However, continuous exposure to unmet expectations and lack ofcoping strategies may threaten the emotional and physical well being of a person, resulting in symptoms and effects such as depression, anger, apathy, denial and fear.

 

  1. Depression
  • Depression is a feeling of unhappiness and misery and is characterized by continuously having low moods. Some causes of depression include stress from work or relationships, but chronic depression can result from loss and disappointment. The disappointment that comes from the loss of a loved one or the discouragement of a failed business can lead to depression. Depression from disappointment is perpetuated by negativity and the fear of being disappointed again.

Apathy

  • Apathy is a condition in which someone becomes indifferent and passive to life. This is because he feels helpless about a disappointing situation and believes he cannot change it. Signs of apathy include lack of energy, continuing in a bad relationship, tolerating monotony, resigning to an illness and frustration with life. People who suffer constant disappointment seem not to care about making changes to improve their situation.

 

Denial

  • Denial is characterized by outwardly pretending that a disappointing situation does not exist. People who go through multiple disappointments would like to overlook the issue at hand with the hope that it will go away. Denial can also come in the form of giving up on goals, ambitions and passions because the person does not believe any of these are worth pursuing. A person who has been disappointed in a relationship may deny his desire to find his true love, and thus block everyone else out.

Anger

  • Anger is a reaction to a situation or a person who has not met your expectations. It is essentially an emotional or behavioural backlash to disappointment. Anger can be an instant outburst or a latent feeling that is experienced every day. It can range from having feelings of rage and resentment toward a person and could result to outright violence. Anger also leads to feelings of negativity, depression and helplessness toward situations.

Fear

  • Fear is a reaction that a person has toward a real or imagined situation. Fear results from undergoing unpleasant or disappointing experiences. As a result, a person who has been disappointed is fearful of engaging in similar experiences as a way to protect himself from re-living the past experience. Although fear is a natural reaction, prolonged fear can be numbing and can threaten a person’s psychological and emotional well being.